Tips: Surviving a Horror Film

It is safe to say that I have seen my fair share of horror films and everyone of them brings a new idea of how you can survive them.  There will be potential spoilers in this post, so read at your own expense.

Here are my tips to surviving a horror film.

1. Have a bad-ass twin brother.

Note: This doesn't work for twin sisters, they are usually evil. 
 

2. Never get into a car with Thomas Jane.

 

As we learnt in The Mist (2007)
 

3. Being LL Cool J improves your chances.

Epic survival in Deep Blue Sea, not so much in Halloween: H2O.

4.  Don't be friends with Sidney Prescott.

She has a bad track record with losing friends via stabbing.

 

5. Don't ever take for your life for granted, Jigsaw will find you and 'play a game'.
* Warning: Play his games with caution most end up in death.

Think before you overindulge in your twenty-first century-ish life.

6. If you find a old and mysterious journal, which features a passage of writing in a foreign language, don't under any circumstances try and read it you dumb-ass.
* Also works in conjunction with mysterious unlabeled video tapes, just don't go there.

We have all seen the crazy shit that happens in the The Evil Dead and Cabin in the Woods.

7.  Next time you and your shitty friends accidentally kill someone: go straight to the police.  That mistake will follow you for the rest of your life--literally!

You might get 25 to life but at least you keep your life.

 

 

Goodluck and Godspeed.