Tips: Surviving a Horror Film

It is safe to say that I have seen my fair share of horror films and everyone of them brings a new idea of how you can survive them.  There will be potential spoilers in this post, so read at your own expense.

Here are my tips to surviving a horror film.

1. Have a bad-ass twin brother.

Note: This doesn't work for twin sisters, they are usually evil. 
 

2. Never get into a car with Thomas Jane.

 

As we learnt in The Mist (2007)
 

3. Being LL Cool J improves your chances.

Epic survival in Deep Blue Sea, not so much in Halloween: H2O.

4.  Don't be friends with Sidney Prescott.

She has a bad track record with losing friends via stabbing.

 

5. Don't ever take for your life for granted, Jigsaw will find you and 'play a game'.
* Warning: Play his games with caution most end up in death.

Think before you overindulge in your twenty-first century-ish life.

6. If you find a old and mysterious journal, which features a passage of writing in a foreign language, don't under any circumstances try and read it you dumb-ass.
* Also works in conjunction with mysterious unlabeled video tapes, just don't go there.

We have all seen the crazy shit that happens in the The Evil Dead and Cabin in the Woods.

7.  Next time you and your shitty friends accidentally kill someone: go straight to the police.  That mistake will follow you for the rest of your life--literally!

You might get 25 to life but at least you keep your life.

 

 

Goodluck and Godspeed.

American Horror Story—Asylum Episode 2

American Horror Story—Asylum

 

Episode 2—Tricks and Treats

Cya later Adam Levine!

This episode has introduced the idea that Kit isn't Bloody face.  I love the idea that Bloody Face is someone else and it will be interesting to see how this unfolds—I enjoy a good mystery.  At the moment my suspicions line up with Dr Arden, only because of his escapades outside of work.  If he isn’t Bloody Face then he still is a sick man who kills/tortures women.  He is a creepy, discussing, old man!

I thought Sister Jude was so evil giving Lana that shock theory just because she wants her to forget what she knows about the asylum for a news story.  What Sister Jude was doing is kidnapping and torturing, she had no reason to do that shock theory!  This just reinforces that Sister Jude is a bitch.

 

Yay, Zachary Quninto!  His character of psychiatrist Oliver Threadson is sent to the asylum to evaluate the Kit and determine if he is insane or just a psycho killer.  He seems like one of the good characters and looks like he will be counting Sister Jude a bit.  This shall be fun to watch.

The exorcism plot to this episode was so chilling; we were able to find out more about Sister Jude’s past through the demon and the mistakes she has made, for instance being promiscuous and being involved in a hit and run.  Mary now has the demon inside her; there is no doubt about it.  The demon seems really powerful and has ever knowing knowledge so it makes me believe that it might be, in fact, the devil.

I guess only time will tell, can’t wait until next week!

 

 

American Horror Story—Asylum Episode 1

American Horror Story—Asylum

Episode 1—Welcome to Briarcliff

I first heard of the show American Horror Story surprisingly on Perez Hilton … interesting I know.  He provided a clip of the opening credits and I was shocked how creepy it was.  Ever since then I have always watched out for it, but didn’t start watching it until the first season had finished.  Best thing I had ever done because I didn’t have to wait week by week to see the next episode!

Anyway, I was looking very forward to the second season of the horror anthology show—its right up my alley!

I have to say that this first episode of Asylum blow my mind! It was incredible, just what I wanted from the creators.

I am just going to talk about a few of the characters and plot lines we have been shown in this awesome first episode.

Opening:   So damn creepy, they really know how to create an eerie tone with imagery and sound.  The cast is fantastic btw, so glad to see some people from last season back—especially Evan Peters

The Lovers: This is a really awesome wrap around story and I love how it is presenting in the present day.  It is such an easy way for the creators to introduce the story and give a brief overview of the asylum and its celebrity patients.  I wonder if it will continue the entire season because I have no idea what else can happen from here other then: will they survive?

 

Bloody Face: I love that this killer is set up as a big, bad, dangerous mother fucker and it’s just Evan Peters—who’s character seems physically weak and harmless (before his encounter)— I find that so ironic because I was expecting someone else.

 

It will be interesting to explore his story for the rest of the season.  Was he really abducted or is he really insane? I would like to think he was abducted, but you can never be too sure in these sorts of shows. I got such A Clockwork Orange flashback while he was on the table being operated on.

Sister Jude: It really is the Jessica Lange show.  I love how her character is a mean bitch to the patients and Sister Mary but she is also positioned as the good guy against Dr. Arthur Arden. She also has a softer side with the romantic interest she has in Monsignor Howard, which will be interesting as it unfolds.  She is the one that connects all of the sub-plots together and I think she will be great this season.  I would like to know a little bit more about her, like why she is the way she is?  Has she always been like this?

 

Dr. Arthur Arden:  He seems like the big bad in this season.  I wonder what he is hiding.  It is obvious that it is some sort of animal/cannibal but why is he doing it?  He is a tad creepy in a mad doctor way.

Shelly: “You can shave my hair like a cue ball and I will still be the hottest tamale in this joint”.  Hilarious! Chloe Sevigny was born to place this character.  Was it just me or did her hair actually look really cool?  I would like to see more of her and I wonder how she will fit in this whole story, I hope she isn’t just a small character.

Lana Winters: I didn’t like Sarah Paulson in the last season but I really enjoyed her character in this one.  It will be interesting to see where her story will go from here.  Will she ever get out of the asylum?  Will she uncover the truth about the asylums secrets?  I guess the best place for her to get a story and investigate is being inside the place.  I also really dig that she is a lesbian, add’s a new dialect to her character.

Sister Mary Eunice: Sorry but I find her so annoying.  I just hate both the characters that Lily Rabe has played in American Horror Story, I can’t stand her.  She always plays weak, jittering and gullible female characters.  This will be hard to watch for me.

 

Overall, it was a great start to the season but I was disappointed that Zachary Quinto wasn’t in this episode.  It would have been great to see him in action.  Can’t wait for more!

 

 

V/H/S (2012) Review

V/H/S – 2012

Director/s: Radio Silence, David Bruckner, Gleen McQuaid, Ti West, Joe Swanberg, Adam Wingard.

Starring: Mainly unknowns

 

I had been waiting to watch V/H/S since I first heard about it at the start of the year when the guys on Pretty Much It were talking about it.  Once I saw the trailer I was sold.  It looked right up my alley.

As a fan of horror films I can say that I was very very happy with what I saw about 45 minutes ago.  Wow. Wow. Wow.  Some of the most original but in some cases disturbing stuff I have ever seen.

V/H/S is a horror film anthology which features five short films and one framing story.  The framing story is about a group of guys who are getting paid to break into a house and steal a VHS tape.  The guys have to watch the VHS tapes to fine the one they are looking for, that’s when the story films are played.  

 

I can say that I didn’t dislike any of the shorts; the only thing that was potentially bothersome was the framing story.  I enjoyed them in this order:

1. 10/31/1998

Strength: It was funny but still maintained its horror.
Weakness:  It was a bit short for my liking

2. Tuesday the 17th 

Strength: Originality with a the ‘camping’ horror
Weakness: The acting (even though I think it was forced to be that way)

3. Second Honeymoon

Strength: Everything that happened in it made sense in the end.
Weakness:  Went for too long.

4. The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger 

Strength: It went from cliché to original and I liked the twist on it.
Weakness: The webcam thing peeved me off at times.

5. Amateur Night

Strength: Story was put together great
Weakness: Too much was shown in trailers—gives it away (pretty much ruined it for me, still liked it none the less)

 

Overall, it’s a film that you have to suspend a bit of belief with, for example ‘why/how were all these tapes together and all transferred on to VHS tapes’ etc.  I found that the reasons why each event was actually filmed were valid—it would have been something that annoyed me if they weren’t.

I had a few peeves while watching the first minor one was the nudity.  I don’t like a lot of nudity in films and this one had A LOT, but I could live with it.  The massive peeve I had while watching the film was the fact that I was waiting to be shocked and scared for most of the time since each short’s story had to be set up.  Sometimes this period was too long and I just wanted it to get to the scare already.

I was disappointed though that some of the film was spoiled for me from the trailer and pictured still shots (mainly the first one).  I felt like if I hadn’t of known about some stuff happening it would have been better.  So don’t watch the trailers!

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Amateur Night: 

This one was spoiled for me a lot from the trailer etc, I really think most people will know what is going to happen in this short because of this.  I found that the glasses camera was way cool, but I hated the tension that builded up when he was waiting to leave the hotel room and when he was stuck at the bottom of the stairs—not it a good way, it really annoyed me—maybe it was because I just wanted him to get away.  I enjoyed the vision of him running away from her and how he and was pulled up into the air in the end.

Second Honeymoon: The killing scene was so brutal!! My gosh!  It was so realistic that I had to look away.  I had a feeling while I was watching that either the husband or the wife was a part of it in some way. The killers mask is so freaky. I feel like everything that was mentioned in this short made sense in the end.

Tuesday the 17th:  I knew something was up with that chick in the car ride, I knew there was something more to her trip.  Such an original the idea: the killer, the reason why she wanted them all there and why she wanted to film.  Even though the acting was pretty average, I still enjoyed it because I felt like they were going for a bit of a ‘silly high school camping in the woods’ vibe so I dealt with it.

The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger:  Mind blown, you could have never guessed how it would end.  After I finished watching it I just sat there thinking ‘what just happened!’  So original and weird as hell.  It does a complete 180 on you! 

10/31/1998:  I found this one really funny.  My favourite part is when they start chanting with the creepy cult; just joining in with the ‘show’ and the cult just looks at them like ‘what are you doing in here?’  To have them go to the wrong address and end up at a real haunted house is such a brilliant idea. Classic!  The effects in this one were awesome and creative.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

I got to say it was great, there is a bit of something for everybody with all the classic motifs of horror being explored and I actually wished there was more while watching it. I could have watched it all day!

Rating: 8.5/10